Build your confidence and bridge the gap!

There are many articles and studies that show that women are generally less self-confident than men. OK, but the problem is: success, Confidence is as important as competence.

I attended a panel discussion last week on this topic. The room was filled with more than 90 women of various professions, ages, and educational backgrounds. The panel consisted of a highly technical director, the CIO of a major healthcare group, the hiring manager of a large sales firm and a very successful young entrepreneur. It was three women and one a man. The mediator was a man. it was amazing. What I got from the discussion, the questions asked, and the discussions with the other attendees after the discussion was a message. The message was how to deal with the current norm that favors men and women to basically stop feeling self-doubt. Examples that were inspiring were shared. It wasn’t what was said that I found disturbing, but what was not said at all.

What is not addressed is what I believe is critical to the future of women’s success, bridging the gender gap, and recognizing the ingenuity of women’s contribution to the world. What we need to talk about is how to change the conversation in the world so that the gender gap is a thing of the past. I don’t know how to do it myself, but I’m clear that when women get together and inquire about how to close the gender gap and then start taking action, it will. I think one of the keys is getting women, as individuals, to take it upon themselves to raise their self-esteem.

Working with thousands of women, I know many of them struggle with diminished self-confidence. Self-confidence and the assault on our self-confidence is a complex conversation. Almost always, there are a number of times throughout our lives when we’ve tried something, failed, and someone said something that turned it into a “life sentence” about who we are or our relationship to failure. Everything we decide and judge has a long-term impact on our self-confidence. This makes sense to most people – but you often can’t see it. It’s like water catches – when you swim in it, you don’t know you’re in the water. Same for us, when we lack confidence.

I want to give you a few quick steps to see if you can see your own “waters of self-doubt”:

1. Keep a notebook or app with you, and when you notice yourself hesitating or second-guessing yourself, see if you can see what you’re saying to yourself or others.

2. After doing this for 3 days, see if you can find the popular topic or thing you are saying.

3. See if you can remember when you first started saying that. (Like once something happened and you made a decision and started saying whatever you say when there is self-doubt).

4. Ask yourself, who said that or who decided that?

5. Since you have decided or said everything you said, ask yourself if it makes you stronger. And of course it is not.

6. Do something else.

This is what I want you to know: You are the owner of your own self-doubt. You can be an author to increase your self-confidence.